I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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