and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
