Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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