everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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