i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
