I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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