did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
