My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
