My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
