GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
