Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
