How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
