You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
