who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
