i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The best revenge is premature balding
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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