HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
