just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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