He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
