Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we made out on top of his cat.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
