I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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