I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
