All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
