I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
