Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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