i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
