There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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