Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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