dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
