...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
