I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
