I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have already put on my inside pants.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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