Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
