I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
