I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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