Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
