I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
