My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
