hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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