I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
