Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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