God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
