I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
