Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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