So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
