JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
no you cant smoke seaweed
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
