Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
