I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
