You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
