I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
