After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
