Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
