the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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