There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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