you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
is that a dick in a sweater?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
